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| 11:43pm 27/01/2007 |
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GOOD ART WONT MATCH YOUR COUCH |
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(In The Wall) |
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| a prayer for all i love. |
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| 05:01pm 02/07/2006 |
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mood:  calm music: bob dylan
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May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May we stay forever young. |
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(4Bricks | In The Wall) |
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| 06:56am 12/06/2006 |
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the heat is like a thick sauce of dry intoxication. my skin is hot but it does not get wet.
latly my minds been stuck to why or how detached from things i can be. how i can be emersed completly in one moment but in the next. its as if im on robot mode. like i need something to wake my brain up. |
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(1Brick | In The Wall) |
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| NOT A STUPID GIRL. |
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| 10:23am 26/03/2006 |
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mood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
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NOTHING IS EVER AS IT SEEMS. EVER.
i spent a week drinking the sunlight of winnetka, california
where they understand the weight of human hearts
you see sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
with the fear that it eventually departs.
and the truth is i've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place
where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones
and if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face
then its there i will plant these seeds and make my home
i spent a day dreaming of dying in mesa, arizona
where all the green of life had turned to ash
and i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you
i guess i just assumed that you eventually would ask
and i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat
i visited my brother on the outskirts of olympia
where the forest and the water become one
and we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of, that
perfect peaceful street where we came from
and i know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
as i sat inside my room so long ago
and it hurts that he's still shaking from those secrets that were told by a
car closed up airtight and a heart turned cold
and i went to san diego
the birthplace of the summer
and watched the ocean dance under the moon
and there was a girl i knew there, one more potential lover
i guess that something's got to happen soon
because i know i can't keep living in this dead or dying dream
and as i walked along the beach and drank with her
i thought about my true love, the one i really need
with eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
they make me pure
they make me pure
i long to be with you
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(In The Wall) |
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| 04:14pm 20/03/2006 |
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the inside of me tinted purple. they said what was wrong was that my neck curvature is the oppisite of how it is suposed to be on my bottom vertebre. i will be seeing the chiropracter alot. but hes a nice man.
looking at those images and trying to connect it, thats the INside of me. like fucking inside dude. transparent. sculpted so genetic. so biological. so real. so human. i feel like hardended clay. im shifted so easily but yet so strong. i love being able to have a concrete image of my spine.
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(In The Wall) |
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| my organs do me no justice |
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| 07:20pm 17/03/2006 |
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i miss intoxication. not so much for the memories or lack there of, that come with it, but for the mere feeling of disconnection from my phisical being. that lack of hesitation and that freedom that comes with it. i miss the people i wouldnt feel stupid doing it with. but im glad i dont have stupid friends.
i sit here. i gaze into the pixels and nothing comes. symbols upon symbols but Nothing there. what would i do if i didnt have my words though. id be constantly screaming wishing i could have SOMETHING to say.
everytime i pick lovely kaela up i drive by skid marks that lead to smashed desert. i never realized i had so many goals. it took a roof caving in on me to Look. I am selfish, because i was interested to see how different people responded to it. it meant nothing though, their reactions. i take that back. a couple of them it meant something, but most it was just a moments notice of shock and slowly it faded. i want to lie in a sand dune and feel the heat on me untill i boil. then i want cold cold rain so splash my burning body and let it steam.
im going to go scribble. i love all of you. |
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(1Brick | In The Wall) |
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| father sky. rain goddess. i bow down. |
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| 08:30am 11/03/2006 |
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mood:  thankful music: WATER
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This morning at 530 i awoke and heard the music. that music i havnt heard in what seems like a life time. over a third of a year this precious earth has been dyhydrated. i hear her orgasm as the drink she is finially recieving. much deserved.
in my underware my body was taken over by excitment. my legs flew from under my sheets and in seconds i was in the darkness of morning before the fire lightens the Grandmother. i danced to the cold of the rain, to the life and energy of the clouds. i drank water from puddles. my body was at instint. like a hungry animal is scavanged for more more more.
it is snowing where i used to live. i am not jealous, i am happy for virginia and those still up there. the weather is giving us something. something we Must be thankfull for. snow a week after a 133 drought by virginia. (i think our drought was longer down here) thats fucking amazing. let us be reverant to all the energies producing their magic, for the cycle and for the mud. |
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(2Bricks | In The Wall) |
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| 10:44pm 21/01/2006 |
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mood: good music: tupac, mamas just a little girl
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You see you wouldn't ask why the rose that grew from the concrete had damaged petals
On the contrary
We would all celebrate its tenacity
We would all love its will to reach the sun
Well
We are the roses (echo)
This is the concrete (echo)
And these are my damaged petals (echo)
Don't ask me why (echo)
Thank god nigga (echo)
Ask me how (echo)
(hahaha)
i love the cold nights with dancing cancer and white enamel so sincere.
YOU! YES YOU! TELL ME ANYTHING. |
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(4Bricks | In The Wall) |
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| spill your complaints |
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| 10:41pm 28/12/2005 |
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mood:  frustrated music: landslide. joimissyou
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my body is screaming. crying. so quiet so loud. it reminds me all the time whats wrong with it, but the ones with clip boards do no help. my exterior is getting clutered with dots that make my face ache. i feel full but my stomach growls. i try to not eat so i can expell all the poison making my stomach look like im a malnurished child in africa, or pregnant, but it does no good. with out something to speed up my matabolism there is no use. so whats next. i cried tonight because i havnt gone to the bathroom in a... week? reread that sentence. it makes me feel so imprisioned in this body. so trapped i want to stick a needle and suck my insides so i can breath for a moment. it makes me feel So insignifigant. all these ailments of my phisical essense makes me feel like i am nothing.
how do you feel about that becca?
kaela you are strong. you are weak but you are strong in that you can overcome weakness when you have to. i respect that. i envy it. Everything is context.
i miss you. all of you. even when i see you i fucking miss you.
sir you are my spine and sparkles. i resent my vocabulary: thankyou.
this little white box is an exuse to never use a paper journal.
Goal: write one poem on paper with a pen. use the bathroom. let at least one of you beauties i hold so close know that You Are Special, YES EVEN YOU PETAL. |
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(4Bricks | In The Wall) |
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| reach out and touch faith |
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| 10:23pm 08/12/2005 |
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mood:  From the neck& pelvis down music: i ammm an annnarciist
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so many times i want to shoot my grey matter full of novacain and just let it sit. to let all this pulsating and BOOM on the side of my head stop. but this feeling is intense. so heavy and phisical and human. the aching in my head lets me know i exsist.
the red dna trail in between my theighs and on my neck was completly liberating this morning.
i love all of you. |
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(In The Wall) |
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electrcal_bnana's journal
sad
tell me what makes your blood go hot.